Goodbye

Friday night.

‘Prince! Faster!’ Shin shouted as he knocked on my door.

I sighed, ‘Give me a minute.’

‘You already told that for thousand times now!’ he laughed, ‘If you won’t open this -’

I opened the door, ‘What?’

He grinned, ‘Nothing! Let’s go!’ and pulled me downstairs.

‘Ugh, Shin…why such in a hurry? It’s still early,’ I complained.

‘Huh?’ he glanced at me, ‘Actually, we’re already 10 minutes late.’

I sighed and kept my hands inside my pockets, ‘Will you drive?’

He shrugged his head and smiled, ‘Laurence will. He’s waiting outside so let’s keep moving, ok?’

‘Yeah, whatever you say.’

‘Oh, Prince,’ he placed his arm over my shoulder, ‘Cheer up now, please?’

I didn’t respond.

‘Please?’ he repeated.

But still, I didn’t respond and instead, I just went inside the car.

‘Ok? I’m talking to myself again,’ he gibbered as he went inside too.

Great, I’m trap with Shin and Laurence’s sweet moments in the car. Anyway, Shin persuaded me to come to the open party in our university. I told him that I won’t go but he won’t stop nagging me so I was forcedly decided to come with him and VII in the party. As expected there were so many students and outsiders attended the party. The venue was almost filled with thrilled students with their dates. Damn it, I’m trap to this oblivion.

‘Prince?’ Shin woke my conscience, ‘You ok?’

I simply answered.

‘I didn’t picture that there were so many people that will attend this party,’ VII uttered.

‘Yeah me too,’ Shin added, ‘So, let’s find some friends?’

We walked, I mean they walked (I was just following them) towards the aisle, spotted some of our friends and hanged with them.

‘Hi Prince!’ Elise greeted me as she clanged on my shoulder, ‘I’ve haven’t heard from you from the last few days! How are you?’

‘Nothing special,’ I murmured.

‘Hm?’ she showed me a peace sign.

I wondered.

‘Ryuuka might get jealous, right?’ she chuckled.

‘Elise…’ Shin whispered.

‘Huh?’ Elise asked, ‘What’s with that whispering? Is something wrong?’

‘It’s okay, Shin. Don’t worry about it,’ I sighed.

Then Shin suddenly pulled Elise. I bet he’ll tell her what happened. She seems to be not aware of what’s going on.

‘Can I get you a drink?’ VII asked me.

‘Ugh… yeah, blue cosmo,’ I told him.

‘Alright,’ he told me as he left.

I sat on one of the vacant seat near me. As I was staring at the dance floor, I saw a familiar but unexpected sight. I examined who the person really was, I don’t want to jump on a conclusion but as I was sure, I stood up and tried to approach the center of the dance floor. When I was there already, the sight disappeared and so I went back to where I was sitting.

‘Where have you been?’ Shin asked who was already nibbling on some of the appetizer.

‘Was I hallucinating?’ I asked myself.

‘Huh?’ Shin uttered, ‘What hallucinating?’

I looked at him. I would want to tell him but he might get worried again and so I decided not to tell him anymore.

‘Prince?’ Shin smiled then he offered some appetizer to me.

‘No thanks. Ugh, Shin…I forgot something in the car. I’ll be back soon,’ I told him. I went to the parking area and rested my back at the car. I sighed.

‘I’ll go home,’ I whispered to myself as I was rubbing my hand to my arm. ‘Very chilly,’ I opened the door of the car.

Where are you going?’

I turned my head and stared at who was talking to.

‘Going home already?’

I nodded and closed the door again.

‘But the night is still young…’ he drew closer to me.

‘Ryuuka…’ I uttered, my heart was beating faster.

‘Hey,’ he smiled, ‘How is it going?’

I was speechless.

‘Is the party pretty much boring for you?’

I was looking side by side, trying to find the words to say.

‘That isn’t like you,’ he chuckled.

‘I’m just…not in the mood,’ my voice was jagged.

He stared at me, ‘How come you’ve become so apathetic? I’m wondering,’ and he folded his arms.

‘Why are you here?’ I asked.

‘And why are you changing the topic?’ he questioned back.

‘Ugh,’ I scratched onto my head, looking so embarrassed.

He chuckled and patted my head, ‘What the hell’s happening to you? Anyway, didn’t I tell you that if you attend, I will too?’

I took a deep breath and then smiled a bit, ‘I remember. So, it was you…? I mean you were in the dance floor awhile ago?’

‘Yeah, thank god you saw me.’

‘Ah…’ I looked down while I was coiling my engagement ring on my finger.

‘How are you?’ he asked.

‘I…I’m… fine,’ I whispered and looked at him.

He smiled, ‘That’s great’.

I sighed, ‘Actually… I’m not okay.’

‘Oh?’ he wondered, ‘That’s too bad…’

‘Anyway… I thought that I was imagining things, I mean…I thought I was just imagining you to be there.’

‘And why is that?’

‘Just wondering why are you here?’ I answered, ‘You have no reason to be here perhaps.’

‘Well I do have a reason to go here…’

‘What is that?’

‘Isn’t this our university’s party and since I am also a student here, I bet I have to be here too.’

‘Right…’ I agreed, ‘Ryuuka?’

‘I’ll be leaving the country tomorrow’, he uttered.

‘What?’ I was shocked.

‘I said… I’ll be leaving the country tomorrow and my flight is in the late afternoon.’

‘How long?’

‘For good.’

‘Huh? But, but…where are you going?’ I was already panicking.

‘Not saying,’ he turned on his right side as he leaned himself on the car.

‘Why will you leave?’ my breathing started to be hard, ‘How… how about me? You’ll leave me?’

He chuckled, ‘You never fail to amaze me, Prince. After all that I did… after all that I told you, you’re still asking me the same question… how about me?’ and continued chuckling.

‘But, Ryuuka-’

He glared at me and smirked, ‘Just for once, would you stand up for yourself… have some balls, Prince.’

‘What?’ I frowned.

He looked into my eyes, ‘I’ll be leaving alone. I’m not taking anyone else…’

I was thinking that he was just kidding around or perhaps, to hear from him that he would take me with him but…

‘And I am not taking you with me, Prince. Absolutely not,’ he stressed out.

‘But, Ryuuka…’ I sighed, my voice was jagged again. ‘If this is about you cheating on me… or whatever, I don’t care about it anymore! I don’t give a shit if it is true or false!’ I was already breathing so hard yet, I held his hand tightly, ‘I’m willing to forget about everything and please let’s start over again… just don’t leave me, I love you…Ryuuka,’ and I stared at him deeply.

He was quiet for a moment and then suddenly laughed, ‘That’s a very nice line. From what movie is it from? Or is it from a novel?’

‘I’m serious.’

‘And I am too’, he removed my hand, his faced shift from being silly to a serious… a very serious one, ‘I have no reason to stay here anymore. I have nothing left here for myself… nothing.’

‘Am I already nothing for you? Huh?’

His voice turned sternly, ‘This is not just about you.’

‘What do you mean?’ I whispered, ‘Don’t you…love me anymore?’

He smiled, ‘I exceedingly love you, Prince...’

‘Then?’

‘But love isn’t enough.’

‘What does that mean?’

‘You see, Prince, in a relationship… love isn’t the only thing that matters. There should be friendship, faith, honesty and trust’, his last word was much emphasized and it cut deep in my heart, ‘In our relationship, none of those existed. When we became lovers, you stopped treating me as your bestfriend and became just as your lover… you don’t have that much faith on me, you always doubt me… you always think that I’ll cheat on you’, he sighed, ‘You don’t trust me. You never did, Prince.’

‘No! I do trust you, Ryuuka!’ I argued.

‘You never did,’ he repeated.

‘That never crossed my mind…’

‘Really? I wonder what then crossed your mind.’

‘Stop putting me down slowly, if you don’t love me anymore… just freaking tell me now!’ I exclaimed.

‘You know that is a lie. I strongly believe that even if you don’t trust me that much, you do know in your heart and mind how much I love you…’

‘I love you…’

‘And I love you too... but like what I said, our love isn’t enough’.

‘Ryuuka…’

‘I’m so tired of hearing people telling us that our love story is the perfect love story. It’s like a fairytale, it’s like those romantic novel… the once upon a time… and they live happily ever after kind of fictional story’.

I sighed.

‘Fuck fairytales, fuck love stories… oh, fuck perfect love stories. Fuck people who always say that love will conquer everything. That is the most fucking lie because if love can really solve anything then…’ his voice sounded very pissed off.

‘Then what?’

‘Then why is this happening to us?’ he whispered softly, ‘goddamn it! We should be together right?’ he sighed and looked away from me, ‘So fuck love!’

‘But Ryuuka…’

‘How could you?’ he exclaimed. ‘How could you judge me without even knowing my side? Without asking me if it is true or not?’

‘Well-’

‘Because VII is a reliable source? Fine, I understand that. But what I cannot understand is how come you get mad at me without talking to me first?’ he smirked, ‘You know I envy VII because you trust him better than me. Do you know how much painful that is for me?’

‘That isn’t true!’ I exclaimed.

‘Then what is the truth?’ he asked.

I sighed, ‘I’m… I’m just afraid… so afraid to lose you Ryuuka’.

‘That’s shit, Prince. That is bullshit! You would never lose me because you do know that I cannot live without you… that I exist for you,’ he took a deep breath, ‘All I was asking from you is your trust but…you even failed to give it to your so called, ‘My Life’.

‘I’m sorry…’ I uttered.

‘But I guess I have to try to live without you from now on,’ he shrugged his head, ‘I’m tired Prince… so tired of always chasing you around and asking for your forgiveness. I have limitations too.’

I started to feel tears formulating around my eyes, ‘I am so sorry... I promise, I swear… I’ll change, I’ll be anything that you want me to be… please, just don’t leave me’

‘And I am sick of hearing those sorry, promises and changes. I’m already tired of being hurt. Sorry, Prince but it is too late now and besides, like what I told you, this isn’t just about you…’

‘Then what else?’

‘Lately, there are so many things that had happened in my life and you don’t know anything about it’.

‘What?’

‘You know nothing.’

‘Huh? What do you mean?’

‘Because you never asked… how am I? Am I doing okay? Nothing, no single care for me.’

‘I care for you, Ryuuka,’ I exclaimed, my tears started to fall down of my face, ‘Things were already complicated and I didn’t realize…I didn’t notice…’

He chuckled, ‘Excuses! Full of excuses! Perhaps, because of the mask I’m wearing’.

‘What…what happened?’

‘There’s no need for you to know, it’s useless anyway.’

‘I’m sorry… so sorry Ryuuka…’ I wiped my tears.

‘Damn it, Prince! Shut up! Stop saying sorry! It doesn’t matter; I can’t blame you that much because every time I’m with you, my problems magically drift away for a while. But right after the moment we separated, it comes to me like a flashflood in a heavy thunderstorm.’

I was speechless.

‘I am disappointed with my life, Prince… and you don’t know that. But like what I told you, I can’t blame you because when we’re together, all we think is love… love… love and making love, am I right?’

I nodded.

He sighed, ‘I can’t forgive myself… how come I’ve become so reckless?’

‘Ryuu-’

‘I’ve been thinking… perhaps it was wise if we were never been together.’

‘Please don’t say that.’

‘We should never been together,’ he repeated.

I closed my eyes, ‘Stop… please stop now. This is killing me’.

‘Do you wanna know why we should have never been together?’

I opened my eyes and looked at him.

‘Because you are too perfect for me… while I’m too worst for you,’ he looked down, ‘I ruined everything for you… I’m at blame,’

‘No!’ I shouted, ‘You were the best thing that ever happened in my life. So don’t you say that ever again in my face… you hear me?’

‘I did… don’t argue with me.’

‘I will fucking argue with you as long as I want to!’

‘Drop it and listen to me first!’ he exclaimed, ‘for the last time, please?’

I was stoned of what he said.

‘If I didn’t ruin you then why are you like this? Why do you keep on holding your hopes for me? Why do you have that freaking disorder? It’s all because of me… before you met me, you were perfectly fine and you were perfectly happy’.

‘Wrong… I was never perfectly happy until I met you and became yours.’

‘Bullshit Prince, don’t be a spoiled brat and stop being childish. Being selfish. Open your eyes, its better if we’re not together. Love yourself more-’

‘No, Ryuuka…no, I won’t my life. Please-’

‘We could still revert everything back to normal because this would be the last time that you will ever see me again…’

‘Stop!’ I shouted, my tears were falling down again but he ignored me.

‘From this moment on, you can go on with your life without any intervention from me.’

‘I need you, Ryuuka! I love you!’ I was trying to hug him but he was pushing me away from me.

‘Don’t worry…’, his voice became calm, ‘for sure there are so many people that will help you to move on, Prince… you are very dazzling, charming, stunningly gorgeous… you can make anyone fall in love with you so you don’t have to be worried, okay?’

‘I don’t need anyone but you, Ryuuka! I love you!’

‘Do you love me because you need me? Or do you need me because you love me?’

I can’t find the right words to say to him but, ‘I love you! I love you!’

‘I love you too… and I want the best for you’.

‘You are the best for me…Ryuuka…please, don’t leave me…’ I fell down on my knees, I was crying terribly. ‘Please…don’t leave me…I love you, Ryuuka…’

‘No, I am the worst for you…’ he sighed. He knelt down and wiped my tears. We were very close to each other, ‘I don’t deserve your love and you don’t deserve someone like me, Prince. I am worthless…’ he said as he slowly touch my chin and kissed my forehead.

I breathe in his scent and hugged him tight.

He hugged me too and whispered, ‘Keep me in your memory’.

I looked at him and tried to kiss his lips but he halted me and started to walked away. I grabbed on his wrist, ‘I love you…’

He smiled and pulled away, ‘Be safe… I will miss you’

‘My Life!’ I screamed.

‘Goodbye…’ was the last word I heard from him.