Hopes

‘After a long wait,’ I murmured as I heard the chimes jingled, ‘she’s here.’

‘Prince!’ Danielle called out, ‘where are you?’

‘Kitchen,’ I answered.

‘Hey,’ she greeted me with a sweet smile. ‘Oh my...’ she uttered, eyes wide open.

‘Hm?’ I asked while placing some sliced strawberries on top of the mocha cake.

‘He likes mocha cake?’

I nodded and smiled, ‘It’s his birthday today.’

‘That’s why you’ve been bugging me about this book,’ she giggled and gave me the book I’ve written for two weeks. ‘Here’s your present for him,’ and she placed it on top of the desk.

‘Thank you very much, Danielle. Sorry for troubling you a lot...’ I looked at her.

She messed my hair, ‘Best friends forever, remember?’ and she winked.

I chuckled, ‘Yes, you’re right. I hope he likes this...’

‘For sure he will,’ she sounded so heartening, ‘I’ve read everything in it!’

I raised an eyebrow as I glazed the strawberries on top, ‘I already told you for a million times not to read it.’

She yawned, ‘I can’t withstand from reading it.’

I didn’t respond.

‘Are you mad at me?’ she stared at me.

Still, I didn’t respond.

‘I was just kidding, Prince!’ she blurted out. ‘I’m sorry...’

I laughed out loud, ‘I’m just fooling you too, Danielle. Tsk.’

‘Whatever,’ and she laughed too, ‘but can I read it after Ryuuka did?’

I shook my head, ‘It’s just between the two of us.’

‘Why is that? You already revealed of the weirdest stuff you did to him and the other way around in your blog and now you wouldn’t?’ she pouted her lips.

I glanced at her, ‘Do you know that there are two types of love according on how you will bare it?’

‘Two types of love...?’ she murmured and then she shrugged her shoulders.

‘Publicity and Privacy.’

‘Oooh...’ she smiled. ‘You should have taught me about that!’

I smirked and took a cup of coffee I have prepared for her earlier, ‘Anyway, this is my token for helping me for the past few weeks.’

Danielle pouted her lips, ‘What? This is so unfair!’

‘Done!’ I grinned as I finished the cake for Ryuuka.

‘You are so unfair!’ she glared at me.

‘Why is that? Hey, why don’t you drink the coffee I made for you before it gets cold?’

Danielle didn’t respond, she was staring at me like a hungry tigress.

‘Hello?’ I waved a hand in front of her face.

‘The coffee’s already cold, Prince,’ she pouted her lips. ‘You are so unfair!’ and she started to cry like a child.

‘That’s your problem? Tsk,’ I made another cup of coffee for her, ‘Here.’

‘After all the things I have done to you, this is how you will repay me? By just giving me a cup of coffee?’ she wailed.

‘What the hell is your problem?’ I folded my arms.

‘I went here immediately after telling me about your problem with him! I let you stay here in my condominium for almost three weeks and I’m the one who’s freaking preparing your book!’

‘Well, who paid for your trip here in Australia? Who’s paying for the rent for this condominium and who wrote and paid for the book?’ I stared at her fiercely.

‘You...’ she smiled a bit and showed a peace sign slowly. ‘Peace...’

I looked sideways and laughed, ‘Just drink the coffee.’

Danielle nodded and sipped on the coffee, ‘Though I still want to sleep, Prince.’

‘You won’t be sleepy anymore after drinking that coffee,’ I snickered.

‘But it still so early,’ she showed me her wristwatch, ‘it’s just 5 in the morning.’

‘So?’

‘Nothing,’ she giggled.

‘By the way, did you pay the exact amount for the book?’

‘Nope,’ she sipped on the coffee, ‘I paid triple the amount,’ and she chuckled. ‘Good thing they’re open 24 hours.’

I chuckled too and placed the cake in a box.

‘I wonder what his reaction is after he sees you...’

‘Surprised,’ I answered, ‘he knows that I already gave up on him.’

‘Part of the plan,’ she giggled and raised her hand, ‘give me five!’

I smiled and gave her five.

‘You better get going, Prince. You must not miss a chance this day,’ she winked.

I nodded and kissed her on her forehead, ‘Thank you very much, Danielle. Keep in mind that I still owe you something. I’ll call you after this.’

‘I will,’ she giggled. ‘Good luck, Prince!’

‘Thanks again,’ I smiled and already prepared myself.

Around 8 in the morning, I found Danielle already asleep on the counter so I carried her to her room and left a note saying thank you. I hurriedly left the condominium and went to the grocery store. I bought everything that we needed for today. Then, I went to a flower shop and bought a bouquet of tulips. Tsk. I should have brought my car here in Australia or rather bought my own car here. Haha. Kidding. Anyway, I walked down the hood while looking at a small piece of paper where Ryuuka’s apartment. It was so hard for me, obviously because I’m carrying lots of baggage, the book and the cake, I also brought my guitar and at the same time, it was so chilly. Then the small paper I was holding was blown away by the cold wind into the highway...

‘Shit!’ I tried to go after it but someone grabbed me on my arms.

‘You stupid jerk! What the fuck do you think you are doing?’ a familiar voice exclaimed.

I glanced on my side and saw Ryuuka.

‘You okay?’ a middle twenty-guy asked me.

‘Yeah,’ I already faced them, ‘thanks for asking.’

‘You shouldn’t tried to go after it,’ another guy told me.

Ryuuka was stoned for a moment.

‘Hello? XXVII? Still here?’ his friend’s hand waved in front of Ryuuka’s face.

‘Ugh, yes...I’ll go home now. See you around,’ and he started to walk away from us.

‘Already?’ the first guy followed him, ‘We’ll accompany you home.’

Ryuuka just looked at him sternly and then the two guys stopped from following him.

‘Okay. Take care, XXVII,’ the second guy looked back at me and I just smiled at them. I followed Ryuuka to his apartment and I got nervous after using the elevator to the floor of his room. I took a deep breath and knocked three times. I waited for awhile and knocked again. The door opened slowly and I saw Ryuuka staring at me.

‘Hey,’ I smiled at him, though I can’t look straightly into his eyes.

Ryuuka didn’t respond, instead he’d close the door.

‘Wait, Ryuuka...’ I tried to stop him. ‘I’m not here to piss you off again.’

‘Then what the fuck are you doing here?’ he folded his arms.

‘Let’s celebrate your birthday,’ I bit on my lower lip and showed him the bouquet of tulips.

He took the bouquet of tulips and then threw it on the trash bin beside the door. ‘There’s no reason for us to celebrate my fucking birthday. Forget about this day and leave this place!’ he exclaimed as he slammed the door.

I knocked and knocked again until I hold onto the knob and found out that it was open.

‘I’m coming in,’ I told him as I opened the door. Ryuuka was lying on the couch, face hidden with a pillow. I placed the stuff I brought on the dining table and then sat on the end of the sofa Ryuuka was laying too.

‘Have you already eaten your breakfast?’ I asked.

‘It’s none of your business anymore,’ he answered.

‘At least I could ask you as a friend?’

He lowered the pillow down to his nose, ‘Why are you like this?’

‘Huh?’ I looked at him.

He looked at me too then glanced away after a few seconds, ‘Why are you here? Why do you need to bring those stuff to celebrate my birthday?’ he was speaking in low voice.

I was still looking at him.

‘You already gave up on me, right?’ he smirked. ‘Good thing you already did. Tsk.’

I rested my head on the backrest of the couch, ‘If I already gave up on you then I shouldn’t be spending my time with you right now.’ I took a deep breath, ‘But I am already spending my time with you, Ryuuka...’

His eyes widened a bit and he covered his face again with the pillow. Moments of silence, I was just waiting for him to speak up and good heavens, he did.

‘I just went to have coffee with my friends,’ he finally spoke up.

‘Just coffee?’

‘I don’t have the appetite at all. What’s the use anyway if I would...’

‘If you would?’

‘Nothing. Tsk...’

I stood up and went to the kitchen to make some shrimp porridge...

‘Eat this,’ I told him.

‘Eat what?’ his face was still covered with the pillow.

I took the pillow away from him, ‘Shrimp porridge.’

Ryuuka faced the other side.

‘Easily killing yourself, huh?’ I hold onto his chin and faced him to me. I sighed.

‘What?’

‘Please, just eat this,’ I was beseeching.

He was staring at me for a moment and then he already sat down. He took the bowl of porridge and started to eat. I smiled at him and noticed that Molasses was sleeping under the center table. I called him and played with him while Ryuuka was eating.

‘Wow, he’s heavier now...’ I uttered while caressing Molasses’ back.

Ryuuka simply nodded.

‘I bought some stuff for him too,’ I smiled.

‘Really? Thanks...’

‘Go down now, Moly...’ I told Molasses, as if he could really understand me. ‘Milk?’

Ryuuka looked at me then he licked his lips like a cat. I chuckled then he raised an eye brow.

‘Oh, sorry about that. You’re just so cute...’ I was still chuckling.

He didn’t respond and continued eating, ‘Where’s my milk?’

‘My milk?’ I laughed out loud.

‘You perverted bastard,’ he uttered.

‘Kidding,’ I snickered, ‘here you go...’

He gulped onto it, ‘I want some more.’

I nodded and poured some more milk. After eating, I really don’t know how to start the conversation. Like what I have said before, I still can’t look at his eyes. He was looking at me but I really can’t look at him. Tears were already forming on my eyelids as my heart beat faster. Out of the blue, I just hugged him as we both fell down on the couch. I was on the top, frozen for a few moments. Then, I started crying…

‘Ugh,’ Ryuuka mumbled.

I didn’t respond, instead I just hugged him tightly.

‘Hey,’ he was like pushing me away from him, ‘stop crying, will you?’

I shook my head, still crying.

‘The fuck,’ he sighed, ‘stop now.’

‘I miss you terribly, Ryuuka!’ I exclaimed, ‘Why did you left me just like that? Why didn’t you tell me about your fucking ailment? Why didn’t you tell me the first place?’

He didn’t respond.

‘Make things easier, huh? By not seeing me again? Do you think that’s the only way to make things easier?’ I sniffed. ‘Are you really that stupid? Didn’t you think that things will be more miserable without me? I am your lover, I am your partner, I am your life! I am your companion in everything you do, thus I have the right to now! Your problem is also my problem and the other way around!’

He wasn’t still responding.

‘I’m sorry if I became childish and ignorant…’ I wiped my tears. ‘It was very hard for me to see myself without you by my side…and I know it’s hard for you too handling it all by yourself.’ My voice lowered down, ‘You are my life, Ryuuka and there is no reason for me to left you,’ and I continued crying.

Then, I just felt that his hands moved to my back and he was already hugging me too.

‘Stop crying,’ he mumbled.

But I can’t stop.

‘Stop crying coz I don’t know to make you stop,’ he smirked.

‘I can’t...’ I sniffed.

‘I didn’t know that aside from being a spoiled brat, you’re a cry baby too,’ he chuckled. ‘I thought that the only cry baby here is Shin.’

‘You already called me a cry baby before,’ I chuckled softly. ‘You already forgot?’

‘I think so?’ he smirked, ‘I don’t know.’

‘Did you try to ask some help from my father?’ I asked. ‘For sure he could help you. He’s your personal doctor, right?’

‘Geez, you’re asking questions without any hesitation, huh? Tsk,’ he sighed. ‘It’s too risky.’

‘Risks are sometimes worth taking after all. I’ll be by your side, no matter what...’ I kissed him on his ear. ‘I need your love forever...’ I whispered, ‘Please be with me again, Ryuuka...I love you so much...’

He fondled my hair, ‘Oh how could I survive without your love...’ and started to chant the song he sang to me in our first monthsary until I fell asleep.

I woke up at around 3 in the afternoon and Ryuuka fell asleep too. I slowly stood up and covered him with a blanket. I went to the kitchen and prepared our lunch. He was still asleep so I just cleaned everything that seemed so messy. I washed the beddings, coz I don’t want to leave him and I also placed some groceries inside the fridge and in the cupboard. After doing all these things, I took an XBOX 360 outside my bag, (yeah, I also brought a bag with me) and played some of the games Ryuuka and I played before.

‘My turn,’ Ryuuka uttered

I looked at him while he was rubbing his eyes, ‘What?’

‘My turn,’ he sat down beside me on the floor, ‘you’re already dead, right?’ and took the joystick from me.

‘Ah?’ I scratched my head.

‘You slow poke,’ he smirked and started playing.

‘Fine?’ I murmured. ‘Anyway, are you hungry? I already prepared our lunch.’

He was so focused on the game he was playing so I just initiated to get the food for us.

‘I’ll leave this here,’ I told him as I placed his meal on the center table and sat again.

He wasn’t still responding so...

‘Do you want me to spoon feed you?’

He looked at me and then he continued playing.

‘Nice talking,’ I smirked and ate my food.

‘I’ll just eat later. I missed playing this.’

I nodded and smiled. Hell yeah, he missed the game starting at around 3 in the morning and ended at 8 in the evening, without eating and drinking anything.

‘I’m still fucking good,’ he chuckled sinisterly.

‘I’m better,’ I countered while preparing our dinner. ‘You better eat now.’

He went to the dining area and sat down.

‘Here you go,’ I smiled as I placed his meal in front of him.

‘You did buy lots of stuff, didn’t you?’ he smirked.

I nodded and opened the box of cake.

‘What’s that?’ he started eating.

‘Your birthday cake,’ I smiled and showed him the cake, ‘Mocha cake with strawberries on top.’

He sighed and shifted his gaze on the other side, ‘I’m disappointed, very disappointed.’

‘Ugh,’ I got so nervous this time, ‘ugh, I’m so sorry. I thought you’d be happy because I know you like Mocha Cake.’

‘Everything changes.’

‘I’m really really sorry,’ I kept the cake inside the box again. ‘I’ll just throw this away,’ I carried the box of cake and made my way out of the dining area.

‘Are you the one who baked it?’ he suddenly asked.

I stopped walking, ‘Yes.’

Then he laughed out so loud.

I turned around and looked at him.

‘I was just kidding,’ he was still laughing. ‘Slice a piece for me.’

I smiled and hurriedly sliced a cake for him, ‘Eat well.’

He nodded. He easily finished the cake first and then he continued eating the remaining food.

‘What’s that anyway?’ he asked, pointing to the book.

‘A present for you,’ I answered while watching him eat.

‘Really?’ he’d get it but I stopped him from doing it.

‘Read it after I leave you.’

He smirked, ‘I told myself so, you’ll leave me too.’

‘What?’ I raised an eye brow. ‘Do you want me to stay here all night long?’ and smiled at him sweetly.

He didn’t respond.

‘See,’ I caressed his cheek, ‘you don’t even want me too. It’s alright, I understand.’

He wasn’t still responding.

‘I hope you like it,’ I added.

Until he finished eating, he wasn’t still speaking to me.

‘I’ll go now,’ I patted him on his back. ‘Take care of yourself, alright? I’ll visit you again,’ and laid a short kiss on his lips. ‘I love you...happy birthday again, Ryuuka.’ I smiled and left his room. I sighed and left his apartment already. I walked off and...

‘Hey!’

I looked back and saw Ryuuka standing in front of the double doors. He showed his index finger and he was like signalling me to come closer.

‘Hey,’ I drew closer, ‘do you need something?’

‘Don’t you leave like that, understand?’

‘Huh?’

‘Don’t leave as if I won’t say a thing.’

‘What?’

He heaved a sigh, ‘Will you just sleep with me?’

‘What...?’ my heart was leaping.

‘Are you really that deaf?’ his eye twitched, ‘I’m asking you to sleep with me tonight.’

I was speechless.

‘Yes or no?’ he stared at me.

I nodded, ‘Sure, I will.’

‘Tsk,’ he folded his arms and headed on to his room while I was just following him. ‘You forgot your guitar,’ he told me as he opened the door.

‘Ah, yeah...’ I scratched onto my head, ‘I’m sorry...’

‘Don’t you have any word to say aside from ‘sorry’?’ he smirked and went to his room.

‘Sorry,’ I snickered and followed him inside.

He sighed and started to set his bed.

‘I’ll just sleep on the floor.’

‘Who told you so?’ he glared at me.

‘I...I just-‘

‘I asked you to sleep with me,’ his tone became different, ‘sleep beside me.’

My eyes widened, ‘Beside you?’

He nodded.

I took a deep breath, faced the other side and smiled.

‘What are you doing?’

I shook my head and smiled, ‘Thank you...’

‘Thank you for what?’ and he already lay down.

‘Thank you for letting me sleep with you...’

He was just looking at me and he covered himself with a blanket. I got my guitar and sat at the rear end of the bed. I sang, even though Ryuuka was not looking at me.

I won’t talk
I won’t breathe
I won’t move till you finally see
That you belong with me

You might think

I don’t look
But deep inside
In the corner of my mind
I’m attached to you
I’m weak
Its true
Cuz Im afraid to know the answer
Do you want me too?
Cuz my heart keeps falling faster

I've waited all my life
To cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide
Its time to try
Anything to be with you
All my life I've waited
This is true

You don’t know

What you do
Everytime you walk into the room
I’m afraid to move

I’m weak
Its true
I’m just scared to know the ending
Do you see me too?
Do you even know u met me?

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

I know when I go I’ll be on my way to you
The way that’s true

I've waited all my life to cross this line
To the only thing that’s true
So I will not hide
Its time to try anything to be with you
All my life I've waited

This is true

After singing, I just left my guitar on the nook and already lay down. I hugged Ryuuka, leaning my forehead on his back.

‘The time that you slept with me early this morning, was also the first time that I slept comfortably again since I left,’ he mumbled.

I hugged him tightly.

‘I wanted to sleep tonight as comfortably as I did early this morning,’ he paused for a moment, ‘with you.’

‘I love you so much...’