I have sinned by Shin

*sighs I think that’s the end. Geez, why did he leave already? And why didn’t I follow him!? Stupid Shin. Oh, well I guess I really wasn’t meant to be his friend, making him disappointed so much. So, I just went to my room to sleep while the rest of the people were still downstairs enjoying my farewell party. I decided to take a bath first and after half an hour, I went back to my room. Unexpectedly, I saw VII lying down on my bed.

I approached him and looked at his face. “Are you asleep VII?” I asked but there was no response. I enjoyed watching him sleep and so I touched his face, “Your face, it’s so… -”

VII slowly opened his eyes. “So?” he asked as he looked at my eyes.

I stood up straight and turned my back on VII. “So… mysterious,” I answered and I opened my walk-in closet. “Wait here VII, I’ll just put some clothes on.”

Before I could really enter inside, I managed to still look at VII as he lit up his cigar and blew it slowly. He whispered something, I can barely notify what he was saying through the movement of his lips then he closed his eyes again. After quite some time, I went back to where VII was, shirtless. I went to my bed and sat next to VII, still lying down.

“I thought you already left us…what brings you here VII?” I asked while drying my hair.

“Should I be the one who’s asking you? Why are you here? Your party isn’t finish yet.” VII blew his smoke again.

“There’s no sense if you weren’t there—“

“Oh, should I leave you again?”

“No, I want you to stay…anyways, I want to rest. My flight would be early this morning and I want to have eight hours of sleep.”

VII opened his eyes, “I see…”

“So if you don’t mind? I want to sleep now.”

VII didn’t answer, he’s scratching his eyes.

“Hm? What’s wrong VII?”

“I think something is on my eye.”

“Wait,” I put my shirt on and I leaned my body closer to VII. “Let me see your eyes,” I removed VII’s hands and blew unto VII eyes, “Better?”

VII was staring solemnly at me this time.

I took notice of it. “VII? Is it ok now?” I asked while staring at VII too.

“I hate you” VII whispered, “I hate you so much, Shin.”

“Huh?” and before I can utter another word, VII grabbed me. He forcedly pinned me down and kissed me in my lips.

I didn’t pull away. VII continued to kiss me. His lips was so soft, his kiss was so sweet and gentle. I could feel my heart beating 100 times faster than normal and my body heat went up at least 50 degrees. VII slid his hands downwards and unzipped my pants. I struggled and so I accidentally kicked the table near my bed thus making a picture frame fell down the floor and shattered. Then someone knocked at the door.

VII didn’t stop kissing me. He held me tightly and applied force to my body so that I can’t run away, VII also vigorously removed my upper clothing.

“Shin? Is everything all right?” it was Ashley.

I couldn’t answer for my mouth was still stuck up on VII’s lips.

Ashley knocked again. “Brother, I heard something shattered just now,” she worriedly asked. “Shin? Brother?” and she knocked again.

Finally VII let my lips go but he was still holding me tight.

“It’s nothing. I just stumbled and broke a glass,” I answered while catching for my breath.

“Oh? Shall I send for the maid then?” Ashley continued asking.

“No, I will rest now little sister. Thank you,” I answered in a low voice.

“All right brother. Sleep well, you have a long day tomorrow…” Ashley walked away.

“She’s gone now. Shouldn’t you have called for help?” VII asked while staring at my half naked body. VII voice was stern, “Or would it be a greater humiliation to be seen like this?”

I couldn’t answer, I am so taken aback.

VII twisted my wrist as I expressed a painful face but I didn’t say a single word. Thus I made VII pissed off, “Say that it hurts. Come on, say it. Beg me to stop. Otherwise…” VII pressed his lips to my chest and playfully licked on my nipples down to my navel and back to my collar bone and then to my throat, “every part of your body is mine to command…” VII whispered as he raised his head and shackled my hands together and caressed my face gently and held my chin firmly.

“Why are you doing this to me, VII? Have I done something wrong?” my voice was trembling, “You’re scaring me with this behavior of yours.”

“Is this the first time you’ve been touched?” VII asked me while looking into my eyes. “Had anyone heard your breathless voice?” he continued, “Or had anyone kiss your lips like this?” VII voice was stern yet weak.

“What’s this all about VII? I’m having a hard time understanding you now…”

“I hate you.” VII’s voice was low and calm.

“But why?” I asked fearfully. “Is this still about the kiss?” I was wobbling.

VII smirked and touched my lips, “Your lips, they are trembling. I wonder if they wanted to be kissed again?” he said as he laid another sensual kiss to me.

“You seriously didn’t feel my love for you?” VII whispered into my ear.

“VII?” I tried to reach VII’s face but I was halted.

VII pushed me a little and uttered, “I hate you for making me fall in love with you deeply.”

Besides applying force to make me stay below him, VII wasn’t doing anything anymore. He just jailed me around his arms, “I could not understand…”

“Listen to all I have to say. I know after doing this you’ll going to hate me and that’s what I’ve been wanting for a long time now.”

My voice was still trembling, “What? But why? Why do you want me to hate you if you told me that you love me so much?”

“I never wanted to love you. Do you think it’s fun loving you?” VII’s voice is starting to be weak, “This all just plain foolishness and stupidity that’s why I want you to hate me so that I would stop this dumbness!” VII exclaimed.

“I thought being in love with you would be a pleasure but it is fucking shit to love you!” VII continued, “It felt worse than dying!”

“I am sorry… -”

VII didn’t let me to finish talking and kissed me again passionately while I put my hands around VII and pulled him closer, “But I’d rather continue to live and be hurt while loving you rather than being dead and not seeing your existence…” VII told him as he finish kissing me.

“VII… I… I” but I couldn’t continue what I wanted to say.

VII got something from his pocket and put it under my bed. “Have a safe trip, I love you…” VII said as he kissed my forehead and went away.

For a moment, I was motionless and then after some time, I dressed myself and got the thing VII put under my bed. It was a letter and a key for my shackles. I hurriedly went downstairs and searched for VII but he was no where to be found. I went to the courtyard and sat on the bench. I stared at VII’s letter for quite sometime and read it.

Dear Shin,

I am sorry of what I did just now. I don’t know but maybe it’s the best way for me to convey my feelings for you. I had thought through the flesh so I would show how I felt. I love you so much, I know this is so sudden but my love for you is also sudden. I don’t know if you believe in ‘love at first sight’ but that’s how it happened. I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.

You and I were in a bookstore. While I was browsing a book, I saw you on the other side of the shelf. I think that time you were reading a comic book. You were laughing and smiling. It was a very lovely sight for me. I mean I didn’t know how you did it but your smile made my heart beats faster, I don’t know but since that day on, I found myself always searching for you. I kept coming back to that bookstore but you never came again. I lost hope and then one day, XXVII introduced you to us. You don’t know how pleased I was back then; I thought that this was no mere coincidence anymore. Maybe it’s really faith now.

Though one day, I was told that you are already in love with someone else and that broke me into pieces, and every time I see you, I keep on breaking. I thought by knowing you, I would understand myself but no, I was wrong. Whenever I am with you, I rip apart.

I never want to tell my feelings for you but I realized that XXVII is right. Even how much strong my feelings are for you, if you won’t know it then it would all just be meaningless. My love for you will all just be worthless. But I guess it is both ways. Anyway, it was nice to meet you but not knowing you.

Shin, I love you. Farewell…

(PS: By the way, I still didn’t forgive you because I just don’t want to be a friend, but I think it can’t be done? Someone else owns you now.)

Your friend,

Laurence

I sighed and felt that I’m shedding some tears, though I don’t know why. Do our hearts made to be broken? Am I really that unworthy for him? Am I this dumb and stupid ever than before? Those questions lingered my mind then I heard something. I heard some foot steps towards the courtyard and it was Laurence!

“Laurence…”

Laurence looked at me and then continued walking away from me. I followed him and grabbed his arm, “Will you wait, will you…”

“What?” he asked with a straight face.

I smiled, “I thought you really went home, Laurence.”

“I forgot something inside, I’ll just get it and I’ll leave after,” he removed my hand and started to walk. I bit my lips and I pulled Laurence, cornering him on the edge part of the mansion. He just stared at me. That’s when I did it, when I kissed him. Don’t ask me why. Laurence just looked so beautiful and vulnerable. I caressed his face and wrapped my arms around him.

“You are a coward…” I whispered into his ear.

“Huh?”

“You hurt someone who treats you so special…you still don’t want to forgive me, don’t you?”

He didn’t respond to what I asked.

“Coward does it with a kiss…” I placed my chin on his shoulder. “But I don’t care…”

“What are you saying just—“

I kissed his ear, “I won’t be leaving anymore…”

“You won’t…?”

“Yeah...I went to states last Monday and just arrived this morning. Prince thought that I was been kidnapped,” I chuckled.

“You mean...you won’t study there?”

I shook my head, “Remember what I told you last Monday? Hm, that I was preparing for my papers in the embassy…I wasn’t really doing that. I was preparing my papers in the university so I could already continue my studies here in Japan.”

“But you said a while ago that you need to sleep early because of your flight and—“

“It was just a lie, Laurence. Of course, I won’t tell it to you because it was a surprise,” I smiled at him as he was looking intently to me.

Laurence didn’t answer.

“Forgive me now…?”

“Tsk, haven’t you read the letter? Stupid.”

I smiled about what he said, “Your vulnerability makes you look more beautiful…you are enticing me to do what can’t be done right now, Laurence…” and I kissed him.

He gently pushed me away from him, “Someone else owns you now, so don’t do this.’

“What? Can’t I kiss my friend?”

“Just stop.”

I knelt down, my fists on the ground, “I really don’t know what to do to make you forgive me…now, I know…” I started to shed some tears again, “I am really unworthy for you, Laurence. But it is really hard for me to accept the things the way they are now…why just can’t you—“

Then I felt his warmth again. He hugged me so tightly. “I really hate you…I hate you.”

And he kissed me with so much affection which I quickly responded too and his tongue entered my mouth as I moaned into the kiss.

"Shin..." he whispered something in my ear, "let me know how much I am special to you..."

I looked at him, "If it is one of the wys to make you forgive me...then let it be done..."